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Book Review: Embracing Your Big Fat Ass - An Owners Manual by Laura Banks and Janette Barber
When I glanced at the cover, I mistakenly assumed this was going to be some kind of self help and diet book. A writing genre that induces a comatose state in me after page 2!
I was completely off base, Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is a wonderfully funny look at the how we perceive that others might view our ’sitting muscle’. Both authors are to be congratulated in producing such a witty dialog. Both are accomplished stand up comics, and I am sure that some of the material used in the book originated in their on stage performances.
B-Fabs (Big Fat Ass Babes), the authors assure us are all the rage, being a B-Fab should be worn as a badge of honor, not hidden behind tent like structures!
There are so many hilarious parts to this book it is hard to pick my favorites, one story that does stick out comes from Dana of Oklahoma. Very pregnant and shopping for maternity wear in her local JC Penny store, her darling five year old daughter wants to know why she is so fat. I am having a baby she patiently explains, its a miracle growing in my tummy. The five year old contemplates this concept for a few moments and then comments “I know that mama, but whats growin’ in your butt?” Oh the joys of small children!
Laura Banks and Janette Barber tackle all sorts of everyday situations and offer sage advice for the B-Fab. For example, how to deal with competitive family eating. How can you ensure that you get your fair share in a ’serve yourself’ at the table environment? Simple, sit down 10 minutes before everyone else and sneak nibbles under the guise of helping out.
The ideal boyfriend or husband we are told, is one that does grocery shopping unasked and likes to cook.
They even offer advice on underwear for the well proportioned, thongs are OK, but bright colors are recommended. That way, in the case of a trip to the Emergency Room, they are easier for the doctor to locate.
Although this is a richly humorous book, there are threads of a deeper concept running through it. Far too many people, women in particular worry way too much about their self worth and how others perceive them. This results in low self esteem, and even depression. The message in Embracing Your Big Fat Ass is loud and clear. Live for you, not for someone else’s image of you.
A very funny read, and one that I can recommend, but I will give a word of caution to anyone thinking of buying this book as a present for their wife or girlfriend. You likely will be sleeping on the couch for a while. And I would definitely think twice about giving as a valentines gift.
With ‘true confessions’ sprinkled liberally throughout the book, you will be giggling from page 1. Although this is not a recognized genre of literature, in my mind Embracing Your Big Fat Ass falls into the ‘Bathroom Reading’ section. A book that you can pretty much open at a random spot, read a couple of pages and get a chuckle out of.
There is also a supporting web site http://www.embracingyourbigfatass.com.
You can pick up your copy from Amazon.
Simon Barrett is the senior editor for Blogger News Net and maintains a personal blog at Simon B. Now semi retired in the depths of Mississippi he has plenty of time to read books by up and coming authors.
More infomation at WikipediaThings You Should Never Do in Front of a CCTV Security Camera
What do you do when confronted with the sight of a CCTV security camera? Do you go on as if it is a speck on the wall worthy of your attention as a, well, speck on the wall? Do you ponder it for a moment, wonder who is watching you watching him and then wander somewhere else with nary a second glance?
Whatever you do, never ever do these things if you value your sanity, your dignity, your levity, and most important, your life. (Unless of course, you are inside Big Brother’s house relishing the presence of 24/7 surveillance cameras and losing all of the above will get you noticed by TV viewers, in which case, this could be turned into “Things You Must Do To Win the Grand Prize”)
Make Funny Faces
With your face so near the CCTV security camera your nose hairs are visible from the security monitor, at that. If you think the security personnel will be amused with the sight of your scrunched-up, cross-eyed, wrinkled-nose, tongue-out face, you have another fist coming.
Did I say fist? I meant think. And even if the fist does not come, you will be certainly marked for life as easily as if a fist has broken your wrinkled nose and set it straight. Or whatever. You know what I mean.
Do a Striptease
Well, your male viewers will enjoy the show. Maybe they will sit back, prop their feet on the security console, relax and drink beer. After all, your performance might rival Big Brother 9 Natalie’s striptease only better because they have exclusive viewing options. Maybe, they will zoom the CCTV security camera on your lady parts for a better view. Yum yum.
Then again, do you really want to be slapped on with handcuffs after the show? Or even clothed again, only with a straightjacket? And did you know footages from the CCTV security camera can be rewound again and again and again for your fans’ perverted pleasure?
Rant and Rave
You will get nowhere on ranting and raving unless you and your viewers either know sign language or adept at charades or proficient in lip reading. You never know if the CCTV security camera can capture your here-comes-the-four-horsemen-of-the-Apocalypse voice!
Why? Simply because not all CCTV systems are sophisticated enough to capture sound and even if they do, they would run into trouble with the law. Another impertinent why? Well, because in many states, sound recordings taken off video cameras are inadmissible in a court of law unless you are the law itself.
If you really want to tell your boss to go (insert vulgar euphemism of choice for intimate relations) with himself, you are better off telling him to his face. Get inspiration on how to do it from Wesley Gibson of “Wanted” fame. And three million dollars in the bank should help with the self-confidence.
The list goes on and on – give the dirty finger, show your shiny-as-a-baby’s-head butt, simulate masturbation and sex, and flaunt what should best be hidden for the sake of the viewers’ sanity, to name a few - but these three are the worst things you can do in front of a CCTV security camera.
Or the best, if you are one of the top contenders in Big Brother!
For authoritative opinions on CCTV systems and CCTV equipment, visit Video-Surveillance-Guide.com and choose the perfect CCTV security camera for your home and office.
More infomation at Wikipedia5 Countries Where Marijuana is Legal (Almost!)
Marijuana users have always sought legal loopholes in countries where it is illegal to own or smoke it. Many people choose to buy marijuana seeds (which is legal in many places), then grow and smoke their own (which is not!) But every marijuana smoker has probably dreamed at one point or another of living in a country where marijuana is legal – or at least where the “rules” concerning possession are so lax that it is effectively legal.
Most people know about Holland’s famously relaxed laws regarding marijuana (which is why it doesn’t feature on the list below!) While no other country has achieved such high profile recognition for making marijuana legal, a number of places around the world have quietly relaxed their laws concerning possession for personal use. In most of these countries, possession still remains technically illegal, but penalties are not enforced if you are within certain guidelines – this is known as decriminalisation.
So, if living in a country where marijuana possession isn’t punished by the law sounds like heaven, here are five places you should consider emigrating!
Argentina
After a recent court debate about whether or not to punish those who buy and grow marijuana, Argentina has effectively made marijuana legal if it is in small quantities for personal use. A leading judge in Argentina even decided that it was “unconstitutional” to legislate against marijuana possession! Those who buy marijuana seeds and grow their own are also leniently treated, so long as they are growing a small number of plants. The country is also notably supportive of several medical marijuana programs.
Australia
Before you go booking a one way ticket to Sydney, make sure you do your research. Different regions have different rules, but Western Australia, Southern Australia, Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland have all decriminalised marijuana to a certain degree. In Tasmania, Victoria and Queensland, police have taken to “ticketing” those caught with less than 50 grams of marijuana rather than arresting them, and Western and Southern Australia have instituted on the spot fines for minor possession rather than official warnings or arrests.
Belgium
Since 2003, the Belgian government has made the possession and use of marijuana legal under the following conditions:
• The amount possessed is 5 grams or less
• You are over 18
• You do not smoke in the presence of minors
• You do not smoke in public
You can buy marijuana seeds and grow them in Belgium without penalty – however, you are only allowed to own one female plant. The purchase and sale of marijuana is still illegal, but most Belgians simply get their marijuana in Holland.
Colombia
Colombia, has had relaxed laws concerning drug possession for over ten years. Possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana, one gram of cocaine and one gram of heroin is not considered to be illegal, although things may change – recent conservative governments have considered repealing this law to combat Colombia’s drug culture.
Nepal
Unlike the other countries on this list, Nepal doesn’t have an actual decriminalisation policy towards marijuana – it’s rather that the laws they have are hardly ever enforced! Marijuana used to be legal in Nepal, making it a hippy Mecca in the 1960’s and early 70’s. It has been illegal since 1973 – not that you’d notice. Marijuana is widely available and used, especially by Nepalese holy men. Note that smuggling and growing are punished, but possession and personal use rarely are – if the police catch you smoking they will stop you, but only to collect a small bribe!
Robert Kane is the managing director of Sensible Seeds.com, where you can buy marijuana seeds and informational books online. The website sells its products to customers all over the world.
More infomation at Wikipedia